Rough Copies

It’s in the moments of utmost despair that one truly finds one self. The moments that push us through the extremities of our hearts, our bodies, our souls… The true test lies within how we deal with difficult situations. Not simply that one overcomes a hard time, but HOW one overcomes. We are all faced with difficult situations; there isn’t a single soul on the planet that has not had to face hardship and the bittersweet hands of time which lead to change. The idea also works with positive change and positive goals, it isn’t simply that one reached a goal, but how that goal was reached. The process work, the “rough copy” as we learned in grade school, is more important than the final piece. The process work which includes battles with oneself, the strive for more, the push, the stress, the focus, the list goes on. All of these things build our character and form our persona. That’s why it’s important to do things joyfully and give our all in every single situation. Our rough copies, do not, I repeat, do not have to be perfect. They are rough copies for a reason, we are simply human, we make mistakes, we learn, we thrive. Instead of trying to go about a difficult situation in the most seemingly conventional, normative way, do it your own way. Instead of reaching a goal the way it worked for someone else, try some new things. We are built differently, with different strengths and means of performing. Lets stop comparing our self to others, lets stop copying, lets stop living other peoples dreams, let’s stop trying to people please, lets stop being selfish, let’s… grow.

Let’s work on our own, on a better “rough copy”.

fear

No adventure is a good one without a hint of fear in the beginning. Without a sense of danger, a bit of risk our lives would be quite…dull. I’ve spent the past couple of days alone-in a complete paradise. Endless mountains encompass my view, numerous of different species of trees sway in the tropical breeze. The serenity of the rainfall I just witnessed left me without words, just complete awe. Anyway, all this alone time has definitely got me writing, and reflecting on things that I generally don’t have time for in the city. I am completely alone in this beautiful house in the mountains, with all my more-than-basic necessities covered. The only people here are the ones that cook, clean and take care of the house… I basically have my own maid, named Nelly tending to my every “need”. Nelly’s actually making me a steak as I type. (I feel pretty spoiled, but hey, if the services are available use them right..) I was really feeling the need to get out an experience some small town livin’ in a town called Jarabacoa. So I made up some lame story about how I needed to go to the pharmacy and pick of some…of all things…hair mousse ( I could have said Tylenol, but that’s expensive over here) So, the maid set it all up, this guy that worked next door, named “Luisito” would come pick me up in a motorcycle and drive me to the closest town. I grabbed my camera and pesos, Luisito was outside waiting for me, told me to get on and hold on tight. And what a ride it was, open road, mountains, and booths on the side of the street with families selling fresh tropical fruit. Nelly made me the most delicious fruit salad yesterday; I ate it by the pool while working on my tan. One of those moments in life you wish would never end, and wish someone was there to experience it with you. So this motorcycle ride was epic, of course I had a bit of fear at first, driving away with an unknown man, to an unknown place. But hey, as I began this entry, the best adventures commence with a bit of fear and hesitation.

On Anger

What is anger, what can we blame for it's arousal? Our surroundings, our feelings, emotional imbalances? Lately, i've taken the position of the observer, the observer of my surroundings, people and situations. Not the position of the creep or the stalker, but upon going through my daily routine, i've been observing peoples responses, mainly behavior. The other day I was in Yorkville, in this ritzy french eatery .These two seemingly sophisticated women, started to argue about their place in line. It went like this;

"Excuzme, I was first and you're trying to order first"
-"I dont even know you, who are you, I was ordering, you went somewhere else"
"I was looking at the menu, blah blah blah"
-"blablahblah (angry tone)"

I was surprised, and all I could do was smile, meanwhile both the women laughed it off.. in that rather, I am so embarrassed all I can do is laugh kind of laugh while I squirm out of here(everyone was staring at that point). What happened to common courtesy, etiquette, care for our surroundings. What you give off is what you're going to receive. If you're always frowning, introvertive, expect the same from others. Im not saying that if you're always smiling and out there, you'll get a better response from people. Now a days, people have to wonder, why is she so happy, why is she smiling, why doesn't she have that expression-less face plugged in to I-pod face like the rest of us?
Anyways back to my thoughts on anger, lets take a look at the definition..


Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

So anger is characterized as a strong feeling. This raises the following questions; what are feelings, and how are they caused?

As good old 18th century philosopher David Hume puts it, feelings are merely our impressions brought forth by our perceptions absorbed by our senses. So if our feelings are dependent on the external world and processed by our internal world, than we sure as hec of a lot of control over them. We can control, we can mold and we can decipher our feelings. Blatant public displays of anger are inexcusable, sometimes necessary but generally very unnecessary like the one I experienced today. The thing is though, we can control our feelings, but we can't control what happens around us, we can't control other people, events, drama. So, our reactions can be controlled, which is very important because thats where true character and personality lies. Freedom of expression is our right, but when its disrupting others, one just looks foolish.

Frustration

Okay, so I'm just a extremely fed up with the daily happenings of political matters world wide. Why can't righteous leaders just rise up, take authority, and do it with pride, for the better of society and not the worst. Why does everything have to be about power, money, authority, subjugation, hierarchy? Why does corruption exist, why does poverty exist, why do inequalities exist?...These things are simply our own creations, human created entities that have presided over our societies for long enough, and are only going to get worse. Im mad that friends don't get along just because a particular point of view, we're all human, we're on the same boat till the end, let's make it dandy.. Maybe I'm just dreaming about an ideal world that has never, and will never exist, maybe the world destiny is to go down the shitter because of our own pathetic self interested creations. What happened to love? Maybe we don't quite understand it's meaning, not of the word love but of the act, and all its constituents. To love is to be empathetic, to love is to put others before ourselves, to love is to be completely self less, but lest we not forget to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, we will never be able to love someone else.

Im not going to get in to specifics about the political issues that frustrate me the most, which often causes that nerve in the back of my brain to tingle upon seeing or experiencing an unjust situation. I'm not going to do that because one, I'd be here for nights, and two, it is pointless in writing about something that I realistically cannot change. For now at least.

That is why my focus generally goes towards the more enriching things in life, art; music, theater, cultures,the things that make that nerve tingle but in a more exciting way that pleases my passions, of which I have so many of. Even ones that I haven't discovered I'm sure.

Everyone needs compassion.

The "rat race"

What’s the point?

What’s the rush; the never-ending rat race that this world seems to always be running is getting exhaustive. There’s a specific time and age for everything, and if you just so bleed to much or too little in to a doing something where it isn’t your appropriate time or age, then you are regarded differently. By not following the normative rules that society has imposed on our day to day lives, we can apparently greatly sever our lives. By going to college at a certain age, getting married at a certain age or owning your first car. Who says that there are different stages you need to cross, or you won’t be ready for the next. Everyone matures at different paces, everyone is different. What happened to thinking for our selves, pushing our selves to do something, truly knowing our capabilities or goals. Rise above the rest, do what’s in your heart, this world is to messed up to go with the flow- or w/the rest of the rats running…What’s the end point anyway? To have lived a fulfilled life, to have started a family, saved up some old age pension and live in Florida half the year? If that’s it, then count me out.

Back to Burma

Been a while since my last post, i've been mega swamped with school work lately...I have probably never been more stressed out in my life. It has definitely been the hardest (school) year of my life, but even moving away from school, its been quite the past couple of months. A journey and a half, c'est la vie mes amis.

This takes me to my title "Back to Burma"... SO one of my co-workers grandmother has recently passed away, and he had to go back to Burma, to mourn her death with his family members. It's a really tough when a family member dies, its like a part of you fades away, never to be encountered again, in this lifetime at least. When my grandpa died, I was shattered. I loved him like my own dad, I even called him papa, he was the most perfect grandpa a girl could ever ask for. He would take me to the "finquita" kinda like a mini farm, in his truck, me and all the cousins, would just soak up the tropical Dominican air. Back home we're allowed to ride in the back of the truck, pretty much no laws, I can say that's one of my most fondest memories. Papa got me my first cat, Miguelina, who ran away like all 12 of my past cat's. I love cat's but I guess they don't love me. Well they didnt all run away, one of them got eaten by coyotes, two of them were poisoned by the neighbors, and the rest...ran away or as I was told "got lost". Papa would sit me on his lap, drink his espresso, black, and he'd always hum the same tune. It was our tune, nobody else's. When papa came home from the finquita, he would play dominoes with his friends from the block. It was quite a sight actually, the special dominoe table had room for four, so imagine four old men, all of them shirtless with the clear effects of time and hot sun displayed on their skin, laughing away. On sunday's Papa would take us to Uncle Antonio's house in Juan Lopez, a small town in the mountains, quite the journey actually. At Uncle Antonio's all the kids would run up and down playing in the plantain fields, but I stuck with Papa. I would follow him to the bee hive and he'd give me a whole piece of the hive, ever try fresh honey? Heavenly. We'd bring the honey back to my grandma, where she'd make this delectable mix of lemon and honey, lemons which I hand picked as well...

my youth, long gone, never to be lived again, but to be cherished not completely lost, it still lives on in my memories. I've decided that im going back to Dominican Republic, for two weeks, doesnt seem very long, but when u havent had a vacation, or even a break in over a year, those two weeks sound like an eternity. So in case YOU, whoever you are, i'm sure you're a wonderful person, because you know me! haha no. But uhh, in case you didnt know, Burma is not an actually country any more, it's changed to MyanMar, where the earthquake/tornado/waterflood thing just hit, (i'm really not sure) but a place where some type of natural disaster hit... Point being, it is still being recognized as Burma, when it is in fact MyanMar, so Burma is this non-existent place. Everyone has a Burma, a place where they can go, and feel completely at home, free to bask in memories and love. A place where you go to feel more attuned with your spirit, where your core is flipped inside out and everything becomes so evident. Everything we are, we need, we want and most importantly, every thing we already have.

So i'm goin back to my Burma, should be good, very much needed as well.